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7-27-99
As the saga continues on Days of Our Lives, we at Synopsis City closely monitor the dialogue. Of course, it's only to make fun of it, but since when have Salemities worried about motives?
Outside the DiMera mansion, Stefano confronts his daughter about Vivian's illness.
Stefano: Swear to me, Alexandra, that Vivian is dying.
Lexie: Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.
Stefano: That can be arranged.
Lexie: Father, I know you still have some good in you. Turn away from the dark side of the Force.... Whoops, wrong script! What were you saying again?
Stefano: I must know exactly how long Vivian has left.
Lexie: 19 days, 7 hours, 51 minutes, and 2 seconds.
Stefano: Is that real time or Salem time? If it's Salem time, this could go on for years...
At the hospital, Mike and Mickey continue their strategy discussion.
Mike: It's so hard fighting a losing battle.
Mickey: Well Mike, cases like these aren't easily defended. Especially when the plaintiff has absolutely no evidence except for her own testimony, and it's commonly known that she's a few Woolworths short of a mini-mall....
Mike: Yeah, but Mickey, with you as my lawyer, my case won't be defended at all.
Meanwhile at Java Cafe, Ali fantasizes about the depositions.
Ali (to Carrie): Admit that you were jealous of me and my exquisite beauty.
Carrie: I hated that you were smarter, prettier, and more educated than me so I slept with Mike out of spite.
Mike: I thought it had something to do with my ass.
Carrie and Austin, however, seek solace in counseling.
Pat the Shrink: I understand you're having marital problems.
Carrie: Only if you consider adultery a "problem". I considered it a pretty good solution at the time.
Austin: We're uh here because uh Carrie uh slept with uh Mike.
Pat: While you're here, I don't want anyone to pass blame or judgement. I want you to be as open as possible.
Carrie: I don't think that's a good idea.
Pat: Why not?
Carrie: My being "open" is sort of the reason we're here...
Pat: Oh, right. Well, adultery doesn't occur in a vacuum.
Austin: Doesn't it usually occur in a bed?
Broken out of her fantasy, Ali shines in the television spotlight.
Ali: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeVille.
Rex: Yeah, but is the camera?
Ali: Huh?
Rex: Never mind...tell us Miss McIntyre, what does it feel like to be the champion of sexually harassed women?
Ali: Well, I wouldn't want to misquote Anita Hill, goddess that she is, so I'll just pass along some words of wisdom from my Voodoo Barbie -- "Sticks and stones may break my bones but calling me a slut is pathetic."
Back at the hospital, Craig and Nancy comfort Mike during a rough day with the staff.
Craig: You okay, Mike?
Mike: Aside from the fact that half the staff treats me like a pariah, I'm fine.
Craig: That's not very fair; you only slept with Ali, you didn't bite her.
Nancy: No, Craig, Mike feels like a pariah, not a piranha.
At the board hearing, Ali presses for a jury trial...
Fran: We feel arbitration is the way to go.
Ali: {aside} Bitch? Who said bitch? Where is she?
Fran: ....An arbitrator can fairly assess the damages and come to a reasonable settlement....
Ali: (aside) Carrie's the traitor - that little flying-bed-hopping guttersnipe!
Fran: ....We're confident that we can settle this without the scandal of a trail.
Ali: I want an oompa-loompa, I mean, uh, a jury.
Fran: We see no need for unnecessary publicity.
Ali: I'm not backing down! You can't do this? WAAAAH!!
Greg: But Ali, the jury could rule against you and you get nothing.
Cobra/Claire (hissing violently): NOTHING. And I won't get that fang replacement I've always wanted....
Ali: Can we still make Carrie out to be a lying bitch?
Greg: You can beat her over the head with a 2 X 4 if you want.
Ali: Yay! Let's do it!
Mike: Ali, I told you we are not sleeping together again.
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