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7-28-99
Never fear, faithful DOOL watchers, it is I, Matt, who bringeth you all of today's exciting happenings in Salem. Of course, there were none, so please enjoy this synopsis instead.
At the lovely Horton home, gigolo Mike updates Grandma on the lawsuit.
Mike: Good news, Grandma! The suit is going to be resolved through binding arbitration.
Alice: I'll get the checkbook.
Mike: For what?
Alice: Didn't you just say the suit would be resolved through buying off the bitch's accusation?
Mike: Something like that...grandma, I have a confession. Ali and I were physically intimate.
Alice: You mean you wrestled together? Mike, how undignified!
Mike: Never mind.
Meanwhile, Austin and Carrie continue their counseling session.
Austin: How uh can I uh forgive uh Carrie?
Pat: Well, I suppose I should define the word for you first...
Austin: It's just so hard when I keep flashing back every five minutes to Mike and Carrie at Aladdin's Castle....er, in bed.
Carrie: And I thought only the viewers had to suffer through that.
Across the pond in Paris, Bo reports in to Captain Carver.
Abe: I thought Hope didn't want you following her.
Bo: Uh, she doesn't.
Abe: So what good is it going to do, you hanging out in Paris -- or am I asking a dumb question?
Bo: No question is too dumb for me. Yeah, Hope told me to go to hell, which means my plan is working.
Abe: Peter, you're reading Kevin's lines again.
Bo: Oh, yeah...(laughs) I don't even know what "COS" stands for.
Abe: Hell, I don't care WHAT you say - I'm just glad to be on the show for a change!
Nick confronts Stefano at the entrance to the DiMera mansion.
Stefano: What's in the brown bag?
Nick: A little something for Aunt Viv.
Stefano: Are you old enough to be buying booze, son?
Nick: That's the beauty of SORAS - even though I'm ten, I LOOK old enough to do anything I want! How do you think Lucas got his stuff? Anyway, it's mango pickles.
Stefano: Pickles? WTF? She's dying, not pregnant.
Nick: I wouldn't be too sure of that - she's pulled it off once, she can do it again....
At the castle, the real Princess Gina is as delusional as Ali.
RPG/Rapidly-Aged Gope: Double, double, toil and trouble...fire burn and cauldron bubble. Oh, good evening, Kurt.
Kurt: Good evening your highness. You look...
RPG: radiant?
Kurt: like an old French whore...
RPG: You can never wear too much blue eyeshadow, you know.
Kurt: Anyway, you have reservations for "Le Roulet" tonight at 8.
RPG: Ah, yes, perhaps John will join me there.
Kurt: I think you'd have better luck finding John at "Le Poulet".
On the other side of Paris, Bo attempts to cajole Gope into going to dinner.
Bo: You're the most beautiful woman to ever take a breath.
Gope: Duh. Did you talk to John?
Bo: Yes. He's glad that we're researching your past together.
Gope: Is that so?
Bo: That's a fact.
Gope: Peter, that's Drake's line -- you 've got to stop doing this. Talking like John will NOT get me to sleep with you.
Bo: Sorry. Anyway, John wants nothing to come between him and Marlena.
Gope: Shit happens..... Anyway, I've noticed something odd about this place...
Bo: And what would that be, G - er, Hope.....
Gope: This house has been abandoned so long, and yet, the closets are half empty.
Bo: That's weird - I was wondering why the power is still on myself...
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