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7-29-99
What you've all been waiting for faithful DOOL watchers -- today's synopsis! Those of you who are left, that is. (See Dustin's page for the bad news on Days's piss-poor ratings.) Oh, and be sure to read today's synopsis straight through without stopping -- I wouldn't want it to lose its effervescence.
At the DiMera mansion, Vivian continues to exact her revenge on Stefano.
Vivian: Damn you, Stefano! (She proceeds to execute a full-twisting, full-out, double back handspring, landing on Stefano's back. The judges award her a 9.575.)
Stefano: Good God, Vivian, what the hell are you doing?
Nick: I think trying to kill you would be a safe assumption.
Stefano: (throwing her off) When you said the other day you were going to jump my bones, this isn't what I had in mind.
Nick: We'll sue you for attempted murder!
Stefano: Well, Mickey and Gregory have their hands full, so you'll have a hell of a time getting a lawyer.
Vivian: Thank God there's no shortage of hitmen.
At "Le Roulet", Bo continues to charm Gope.
Bo: Does being here conjure any memories?
Gope: (after five minute flashback) Nope, not a bit.
Bo: Sure, she remembers, but I can't let on...got to find the Hope buried deep down inside this creation of DiMera's.
Gope: What did you just say?
Bo: That wasn't actual dialogue, just one of those out loud thoughts.
Gope: You have thoughts?
Bo: Oh, here's the waiter. Let me order. I want the fee-let duh soul ah la florentine for the lady and the ca-nard ah lar-inge for me.
Gope: Brady, go back to the boat.
Lexie confesses her deceit to Abe.
Abe: If you think Stefano won't come after you, you're a fool.
Lexie: Did you just call me a fool? (Grabs Abe by the balls.)
Abe: (whimpering) I'm sorry.
Lexie: (cracking the whip) That's better.
At the castle, Kurt and RPG also enjoy "dinner".
RPG: Where's my compact? I WANT MY COMPACT BACK!
Kurt: Not if you knew what you looked like...
RPG: Oh, I must look a fright.
Kurt: Understatement of the year...
RPG: Oh Kurt, when exactly will John come for me?
Kurt: 19 days, 7 hours, 51 minutes, and 2 seconds.
RPG: huh?
Kurt: Oh, sorry, this is an old script (quickly flips pages) let me see...ah, yes, says here that "John may never come for you."
RPG: I want a second opinion.
At the apartment, Carrie and Sami confront each other over Austin.
Carrie: Sami, I'm surprised you can be so compassionate and understanding.
Sami: Since my almost-certain, oh so close, near-death experience, I've learned that you can't get anywhere by lying, cheating, and scheming.
Carrie: Right. You only got a job at Titan, a baby, and the undivided attention of my husband.
Sami: Well, you've changed too. Instead of remaining a pathetic, naive wimp, you actually decided to have a decent relationship, so obviously I was shocked that YOU BETRAYED AUSTIN BY SLEEPING WITH MIKE!
Carrie: My relationship with Mike is strictly professional, Sami.
Sami: Yeah, if his profession is gynecology.
Carrie: Bitch.
Meanwhile, at the Cheatin' Heart, Mike seeks out Austin
Mike: Hey Austin.
Austin: What uh do you uh want?
Mike: Austin, I'm not here to fight with you.
Austin: Cause uh I'd uh kick your uh ass.
Mike: Right. Really I wanted to ask you to forgive Carrie, so she will feel less guilty and more like having sex.
Austin: You selfish, heartless bastard. How dare you ask me for anything?
Mike: Bitch.
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