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8-02-99
We at SynCity feel so fortunate to bring you the very latest DOOL happenings. That is, as soon as we read them from the spoiler. Okay, my tape malfunctioned, so today's synopsis may not be as accurate as usual. Then again, when it comes to that show, nothing can be stranger than the truth.
At the Kiriakis mansion, tempers flare when too many "guests" cross paths with the natives.
Kate: Oh look, Billie, it's our studly android Brandon. It even feeds itself, although rather sloppily.
Billie: No problem, I can make a minor adjustment. (Opens a small panel in Brandon's stomach cleverly disguised as an ab muscle. Adjusts circuits with a ball point pen.)
Brandon: (sporting goofy smirk) You know, 100 people each year choke to death on ball point pens.
Kate: (tossing him a pen) Here, do the crossword puzzle.
Billie: (Thinks about Brandon attempting the crossword puzzle. Collapses in a debilitating fit of laughter.)
Brandon: What's a three-letter article beginning with 't'?
Bo tries to reach Hope through family ties.
Bo: (holding picture of Shawn-Douglas) So anyway, Shawn-D was at batting practice when he hit one out of the park and into the nearby cornfield. Of course, my little tiger wanted his home run ball, so he chased after it into the stalks. Too bad he didn't realize the farmer was plowing under that patch of corn. His arm got caught in the tractor, and his body was dragged for 3 miles!
Gope: HA HA HA HA HA
Bo: It's so good to hear you laugh again, Fancy Face.
Sami surprises all with the announcement that she's moving in.
Sami: Guess who's coming to dinner?
Lucas: What the hell is going on? Are the two of you shacking up, Austin? This isn't a damn whorehouse.
Sami: Sorry, I guess Kate and Nicole being here got me confused.
Austin: I just uh want uh what's uh best for uh Will.
All: Shut up!
Will: Henderson, can you get me a cookie? I haven't eaten in three days.
Henderson: I'm the butler, not the cook.
Meanwhile, in Hawaii, John and Marlena continue wasting good oxygen by breathing.
John: I'll always love you, Doc. We'll be together always. You're the only one for me, and that's a fact.
Marlena: gasp
John: What's wrong?
Marlena: Oh nothing. I just got a whiff of that bullshit and nearly choked.
John: And I was worried about ballpoint pens.
At the castle, the real Princess Gina grows despondent.
RPG: Where's John? Where's Kurt? I'm sick of waiting!! AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Kurt: (at the Paris house, to himself) I hope the princess is okay. I've got to get out of here, though I mustn't panic and lose my head.
RPG: (licking the axe blade, whistling) Oh, Kurt...
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