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9-16-99
by Matt
Since we got two free days off school because of Hurricane Floyd, I'm pleased to bring you today's synopsis. Since our last synopsis, the show has only lost the most interesting characters, and the plotlines have only gotten worse. But hey, what else is new on Days?
Within the confines of that hotbed of sexual activity, Titan Publishing, tension arises between Kate, Billie, and Nicholas.
Nicholas: You know, I'd love to have you both for lunch.
Billie: (squealing) Oooh, I knew there was a reason I didn't wear underwear today!
Kate: Billie, he means a meal -- at Tuscany, sitting down at a table, not under it.
Billie: (crestfallen) Oh, I see. Beep, beep. That must be my dealer, uh, I mean, business associate.
Nicholas: That's okay. Kate and I will wait in my office. Kate, I think Billie is keeping secrets.
Kate: Well, her bra size certainly isn't one of them. Besides, you keep secrets too.
Nicholas: Why are you so nervous around me? You know, I've seen you when you were most vulnerable to sexual predation. Like now, for example.
(He moves to kiss her.)
Billie: (bursting in the door) Okay, I'm back! Oh my God, you guys. Nicholas, I want to use your body for a little experiment in sexual chemistry.
Kate: Take a number, sweetheart.
Billie: A number? What's that?
Meanwhile, at Salem Geriatric Home, Vivian continues her plot to get Victor back.
Vivian: Oh Victor, you must speak with Dr. Wu -- his herbs can work miracles, not to mention make you high as a kite.
Victor: Oh yeah -- you overcame your paralysis using herbs, didn't you? I guess the only side effect was the urge to murder people with cleaning fluid and burying the love of my son's life alive!
Vivian: Things happen.
(A knock at the door.)
Nurse: Mr. Kirakis, it's time for your physical therapy.
Vivian: Hey, you look familiar...
Nurse: (while massaging Victor's legs) I used to work at University Hospital until Carrie got me fired. Hey, I can move your legs just like Voodoo Barbie's!
Vivian: Uh, I heard that Carrie has been using the name Kate Roberts lately...
Speaking of University Hospital, it seems anything but work is the order of the day.
Craig: Nancy, we have to get rid of Lexie Carver.
Nancy: Because she makes us look bad by doing too much work, or because TPTB are slowly eliminating all the minority characters from DOOL?
Craig: Worse. She's in danger of actually having a storyline. What should we do?
Nancy: I have an idea...(begins chanting) By the powers of evil invested in me as a soap opera villain, I summon forth Belle-ze-bub!
(Belle appears from a cloud of smoke.)
Belle: Oh my God, I'm like so totally ready to work in pediatrics and drool over Brandon. Hey, who are you bozos?
Craig: Our plan is working.
Abe: (joins them) Look who it is, Miss Striptease herself. Done any exotic dancing lately?
Nancy: For your information, someone slipped a mickey in my drink. Attractive women always have to be on the lookout for that.
Abe: No wonder you were caught off-guard.
End of Show
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