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9-19-99
After watching the crap that was allegedly Friday's Days episode, I got a little nostalgic for better times. Thus it's my pleasure to treat you to a never before seen synopsis from May 1999! (This was when I was still working under SSM...just kidding) Of course, it's not as quality material as you're used to, but it's worth a laugh or two.
Gope reaches out to Billie to renew their friendship.
Gope: I'm so glad we can be friends, Billie, even though I stole the man you love and don't want him anymore after he got attached to me, and despite the fact that I'm the reason your baby died. But let's not let Bo, the idiot that he is, get in the way of our friendship.
Bo: huh?
Gope: Oh, did I just insult you to your face? My bad. Anyway, Billie, did I finish sucking up yet?
Billie: G, G for Georgia, my baby that Hope and Bo killed in cold blood...oh, sorry, I'm just so used to that line...(gives Gope an extremely bitchy look). Yeah, that's great. Let's become friends again so we can backstab each other in a more pleasant way.
Gope: I'm so glad you can be bigger than the bitch you used to be. Let's do lunch.
Billie: OK, sure, because I suddenly have to go to work and Bo and Greta need to have dialogue so SSM can decide whether they are annoying and stupid enough to be a couple.
Gope: Great, I have to go steal a few paintings, uh, I mean, meet Lili.
Kate and Lucas panic over Nicole's disappearance.
Kate: Where's that bitch Nicole who acts exactly the way I did when I was her age?
Lucas: I don't know...Driver, let's circle the hotel another 50 times.
Driver: Blow it out your ass.
Lucas: Great.
Kate: You let me find her, Lucas; you have to come home to your son because he hasn't been nearly killed in quite some time.
Lucas: I have to find Nicole so we can get married at the McDonalds on the way home because my son needs a random woman to be his mother.
Kate: Hold on, I have a beep.
Victor: Kate, has Nicole accepted the $5 million?
Kate: Victor, that bitch cashed my check and ran off.
Victor: Duh.
At the DiMera mansion, Bo makes Vivian an offer she can't refuse
Vivian: Celeste, I hate this damn makeup. I look nearly dead.
Celeste: Vivian, you haven't put on any makeup yet.
Vivian: Get me a drink then.
Celeste: Stefano is evil, Vivian.
Vivian: And who am I, Glenda, the good witch of the North?
Celeste: Oh look, it's Bo.
Vivian: Goody.
Bo: Hey Vivian, even though you tried to bury my second wife alive, I'm all about forgiving and forgetting. So, let's destroy Stefano.
Vivian: What do you think, Celeste?
Celeste: That I need to get laid?
Vivian: What the hell, I'm in. Want a drink? At the rate this show is going, we may end up in bed.
Bo: Hope sure isn't giving it out.
At Nicole's apartment, Taylor makes a last plea for Eric to break up with Nicole.
Taylor (yelling, looking off-camera): Eric, Nicole isn't right for you.
Eric: Everything seems right when I'm with Nicole. My family hates her, she's always with Lucas, what more could I want?
Taylor: The other half of my brain cell?
At the penthouse, Mike returns to comfort Carrie.
(A knock at the door.)
Carrie: Why, I should pull myself together and answer the door.
Mike: Hey baby, wasn't that some awesome sex we had last night?
Carrie: Go play in traffic, dumb ass.
Mike: You don't mean that.
Carrie: You're right, I don't. I meant go straight to hell, you bastard.
Mike: Your eyes say you love me.
Carrie: I'm pretty sure they're saying go to hell, but you're the doctor.
A familiar duo returns to Salem University Hospital.
Ali: Mother, I'm fine.
Claire: Of course you are, Alison. Keep your wrists covered, sweetie. When everyone finds out you tried to commit suicide, they'll shun you like a leper -- except me, your doting mother.
Ali: Go away, Mother, I have to sacrifice another cat to the devil so he'll make Mike love me.
Claire: Alison, put down the cat. Give it to mama. That's a good girl.
Ali: ARGH!!!! (begins to chant demonicly)
Claire: God, Alison, that possession storyline is so old. Can't you for once be original?
Meanwhile, in L.A., Nancy and Craig look towards the future.
Nancy: Craig, our plan is working. Now you can be Chief of Staff.
Craig: I know. But then what will we talk about?
Nancy: Um, I would kind of like to be the First Lady.
Craig: Let's try to get someone who can bring a sexual harassment suit against the President.
Nancy: Craig, honey, let's think about that for a minute.
A bitter confrontation between Austin and Marlena ensues.
Austin: Marlena, Carrie slept with Mike.
Marlena: And?
Austin: Marlena, Carrie broke our marriage vows.
Marlena: So she broke a commandment too. But it's your fault because you allowed Sami to manipulate you.
Austin: I just wanted what was best for Will.
Marlena: Why can't you just take him to the pub? Maybe Caroline can teach him to talk.
Austin: Good plan. Hey Will, are you ready to disappear from the show?
Will: Only if I can come back as a hot dumb teenage stud in 6 months.
A&M: Deal.
Roman reveals his distrust of Nicole to Abe.
Roman: Dammit Abe, why does Eric have to love that Nicole girl? I don't trust her.
Abe: Quit your bitching, Roman. At least you get to be on the show.
Roman: Dammit, Nicole bugs the hell out of me.
Abe: I guess now you know the feeling.
And the credits roll...
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